Get real…delusional.

(Image via Christian M. Choi)
(Image via Christian M. Choi)

Delusion (n.) – an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder.

~Google

As of right now, I have roughly $160 in my bank account. As of this week, I’ve spoken with two debt collectors and one school loans rep who want all of that $160 and then some–a sum of roughly $60,000. Not to mention Uncle Sam, who wants his slices of my delectable 401k and Roth IRA pies that I devoured last year. (Hey, I was hungry.)

My book sales, which I billed as my bread and butter, have left me with crumbs and margarine. My screenwriting, which I billed as my stairway to heaven HBO, left me rejected and my computer frozen. And just as stagnant as that computer screen are my feet, which have been pigeon-holed in Daytona Beach – and my parents’ house – for six, long months.

And yet…
– In two weeks, I will be traveling back to my beloved Maui to soak up and in the Aloha spirit.
– In three weeks, I will be traveling to Japan to soak up and in the wisdom of transformative leaders from around the world.
– And in five weeks, I’m scheduled to return to exactly where I started, but let’s not kill my buzz…m’kay?

Question: How can someone in my financial shoes afford to walk such a pricey path?

Answer: Delusion…and a scholarship.

There are many opinions and perceptions of me. There are much fewer truths. Whichever type of Stephanie-knowledge that you hold, however, I think it’s true that the word delusional threads through it all. You know why? Because it is true. One of those few, rare truths about me is that I am truly delusional.

Well, maybe not “truly delusional.” Unlike my 17th century counterpart, Don Quixote, I am, after all, aware of my condition.

My condition being that even though I can feel my financial dragons breathing fiery collection calls and payment notices down my neck, and I can see the seemingly impenetrable walls of my childhood bedroom closing in on me, and I can read the minds of people who think, “I thought you’d be somebody by now,” my soul still compels me onward.

Onward to a place with more questions than answers. A place that I’ve never seen before outside of TV and JPEGs. A place that beckons me “to become a knight-errant, and sally forth into the world in search of adventures; to mount a crusade; to raise up the weak and those in need.”

I am Stephanie Rochelle Redd! The Woman of Daytona!
I come in a world of bullshit to make a world of awesomeness.
And the mission of this knight, my duty – nay – my privilege is…
To dream the impossible fucking dream.

 

Copyright © 2014-2016 Stephanie Rochelle Redd. All rights reserved.

Advertisements

One thought on “Get real…delusional.

  1. I too am walking the path of an artist on her journey of self discovery and still hold onto that delusional dream of stardom😘

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s